Are You With Me Still?

A poem on grief

are you with me still?

can you feel what I feel
am I here
is this real

can you hear me when I cry
are you near
or passing by

I see you in my dreams
in our earth, in the streams
of consciousness within me

but, are you with me still?

where did you go I wonder
and where is it that you’ve been
your voice echoes in my mind like thunder
”it’s OK to begin again”

is it you or just my mind
creating guidance from above
I think I know
but whose to say
what’s real when it’s all love

I used to feel you more
than I ever do now
is it because I need you less than I did
or because you’ve changed somehow

I don’t know how it works
and I really wish I did
I search for answers
like I search for you
then something tells me to close the lid

are you with me still?

I dream of your advice
when there’s no place left to call
our home; my own words suffice
do you think of me at all

I am getting older now
I wonder if you see me grow
can you hear my deepest, darkest thoughts
how much is it that you know

wherever it is
that you may be
and if you’re with me still,
just know how much you’ve changed my life
even though
when you were alive
you were such a pill